Emotional Suffering VS Radical Acceptance

As I sat down to bring some clarity to what it was I wanted to say today, Steve asked me – Why do you do this? What compels you to speak up and speak out? My beautiful husband is many things. Strong, humble, loyal and dependable. He is not easily shaken and his calm, unwavering attitude is a blessing in my life. I know that not everyone has a Steve Moxon to cling to in troubling times.

It is a genuine burning desire in me to open up and share what I am experiencing so that my community feels comfortable enough to do the same. So many people suffer in silence. They believe their suffering isn’t justified so they don’t speak up and they suffer alone. So – it is my current mission to offer the ice breaker to bring these conversations to light.

Its no secret that I have experienced my fair share of uncertainty, displacement & disorientation – that’s my polite way of saying Ive walked through many bloody fires in my lifetime.

I create meaning from all that I have been through, all that I endured, all that I have lost and all that still haunts me by sharing my story, offering my perspective & leading the way in letting the lessons Ive learned be a starting point for people to begin their own inner work.

Today, I want to explore the concept of unnecessary emotional suffering. I am no expert. I am not claiming that the suffering I have endured and overcome has been unique to me – I believe that suffering is a universal problem. If we just look at the way our world has responded to the outbreak of the corona virus, it is obvious that we are a society that allows ourselves to be carried away by unnecessary emotional suffering.

Suffering is a problem. It robs us of our energy. It robs us of the life that we could be living, the person we could be.

What is important to note is that there is a HUGE difference between suffering and pain. Let me be very clear – I do believe that we can choose to live a life that does not require us to suffer. That does not mean I believe we should be trying to live a life without pain.

As we grow and evolve as humans we will undoubtedly experience pain. It is a normal response to certain situations. It is a normal human experience. A lot of the suffering that we experience in caused by us trying to avoid suffering and pain.

Pain and discomfort in this life, as humans is guaranteed. Our brains are wired to seek pain, to literally look for danger and things that will make us unsafe. The biggest disservice we give to ourselves and we give to others is when we suggest that we should be striving to be happy and peaceful all the time. That is not life.

It is not my belief that we should be happy all the time. The relentless pursuit of happiness, believing that we deserve to have more happiness than we already have is part of suffering.

We have to accept that pain is part of life. When you resist it, deny it, repress it – you are in pain about being in pain. Theres a cliché saying ‘what we resist, persists”. When we argue with our pain – we suffer. When we judge ourselves for being in pain – we suffer.

We cause our pain with our thoughts. It is true that we cannot make the world comply to the way in which we think it should operate. What we can manage is our mindset. Managing our mindsets is not about choosing happy thoughts. It is about staying self aware and understanding that our thoughts generate emotions and those emotions will dictate the way we react in certain situations.

Whenever you are feeling a certain way, rather than judging that within yourself, it is much more useful to take some time to bring awareness to the thoughts you are cultivating. Our thoughts generate our beliefs too. We are so powerful – that can be a curse on ourselves or a blessing. It depends whether we treat ourselves with empathy, kindness and curiosity – or judgement, shame and denial.

In the fitness industry I have seen my fair share of people striving towards specific goals they have set for themselves. The mindset that each person approaches their goal with is the number one determining factor as to whether they are more or less likely to be successful.

Let me explain.

When setting a goal the motivation for some people is that they have the belief that once they achieve that goal they will experience a higher level of confidence – basically they believe their self worth will increase. They believe achieving that particular weight loss goal will make them feel entitled to be worthy of other things they want in their lives.

It is my experience that this is rarely a successful approach.

Cultivating self worth by dedicating time to inner work – especially finding ways to really dive deep and take accountability for the thought patterns that you allow to dictate your emotions and in turn your action will guarantee that you will be successful when working towards a certain goal.

When you already feel worthy – you know that you are worth doing whatever it takes to bring that goal to fruition.

Our thoughts are that powerful. They literally determine whether we will manifest the life that was meant for us, or deny ourselves all that could be possible.

There have been many times in my life that I have not been able to dictate or influence the circumstances I found myself in. I endured a difficult pregnancy plagued with uncertainty and what felt like endless appointments, conflicting opinions and no specific advice to follow. I am not going to dive into the details of that experience here today – but it has been in the most challenging times of my live that I was presented with opportunities for growth.

We all have the opportunity for growth right now.

Let me get very direct. Other people generally suck at making us happy. No one person will ever be able to fulfil our needs. Materialism sucks. That car, those shoes, that wall paper, your jewellery – none of really matters.

Only we can make ourselves happy. When we still believe that happiness is outside of ourselves, when we are looking for it outside of ourselves – we will continue to suffer.

I still experience pain. In many ways. I just don’t allow myself to be mad about it anymore. I don’t suffer for it.

I have experienced pain so deep I didn’t know how I would survive it – but that is often the pain of being alive. The pain of being a living, breathing human, conscious and aware. When you don’t numb yourself with distractions or addictions – pain will make itself known to you. Once we come to understand that Pain does not replace happiness  – it stands beside it, as part of the human experience. We begin to allow it. We begin to stop being afraid of it. We stop resisting it. We stop suffering unnecessarily.

If there is pain in your heart that is weighing heavy on you. Sit with it. Acknowledge it. Then give yourself permission to sit with your thoughts for long enough to untangle them. Explore them. Some things that we think have no merit to them. They can be discarded. But some things actually warrant pain. Some things in life are painful.

That’s ok.

You are ok.

We are ok.

If you are in pain – its not because you are weak. Its not because you aren’t built to handle what we are going through. It is because you are human.

Like I said – I am no expert, but I am here and willing to open this conversation. At this time, in this world we find ourselves in, the best that we can do is stay connected and stay compassionate. To ourselves and others.

Don’t endure unnecessary emotional suffering my friend.

You are ok.

We are ok.