Self Sabotage

A love note written to the Geelong Boxing Club Run CREW as they work their way through the 3rd week of their program, from my treadmill this morning 🖤 *that should explain the countless typos bound to be peppered throughout. X

Ok friends, let’s talk about the Self sabotage spiral. Most people think when they are coming into a gym it’s because they are looking for someone to give them a magical combination of exercises that will unlock a healthier, happier version of themselves.

People want to believe that with the right program and the right support – they will make change and start to live life from a place of intention and purpose.

It’s simply not true.

Hand on heart, I know I have made deep, direct impact on hundreds of people. It has never been a about squats, or running or counting macronutrients .

It has been creating experiences and facilitating opportunities for individuals to explore and witness the ways in which they interfere with their own progress.

When people set a goal, the moment they waiver, or lose momentum or question themselves and their ability to follow through – they want to look away. That is when I step up and hold a mirror for them.

Until we are willing to look at who we are, what we are choosing and how that is forming who we are becoming – we will always get lost somewhere between setting a goal and living the experience of fulfilling that goal.

For the most part, most people understand that it is necessary that we set goals.
We don’t stop there. In fact, that’s when the real work really starts. Goal setting isn’t just about setting a goal – it’s about considering how we have to manage ourselves to reach that goal.

The problem? We are wired for pleasure and comfort and most of us have spent most of our lives avoiding discomfort. Anytime we set a goal that will expose our full potential, it will require us to reach out of our comfort zone. To evolve and extend and be challenged.

Do you see the problem? If we are wired for pleasure and comfort but required to be uncomfortable in order to reach our goals, the moment we start to make progress is the same moment we will want to retreat make into the comfort we know.

In our running group, this can be seen when people start to doubt themselves. Just a few runs in they begin to believe the thought that their progress isn’t fast enough. They start thinking that this running program isn’t for them because it’s not easy.

This is when people decide to quit.

Quitting feels good in the moment, right? We free ourselves from the pressure we feel.

This running program means so much to me not because I believe that everyone should be able to run 10km. I have witnessed the way a running program reintroduces us to ourselves.

Whether we follow through or not is a direct reflection of the way in which we allow ourselves to self sabotage.

Lets be real – it’s easier not to set goals. You might have wondered why you decided to join a running group, when it would be easier to be sat on your couch, accountable to nothing but your remote.

When we have set goals and not followed through in the past, we become resistant to the idea that we can experience life in anyway that we choose to.
People that don’t get excited about setting goals are people that simply don’t want to be disappointed by their own self sabotage – again.

Anyone who has not achieved their desired weight loss goals in the gym might try to believe it’s because they weren’t on the right diet. But again, ten years of experience has taught me that it’s more than likely that it wasn’t the diet that was the issue, it was the way in which they self sabotaged. People might be defensive and say, oh no I don’t self sabotage. Shaking your head and saying that reveals a lack of self awareness – they don’t know their patterns of behaviour. They havent had someone hold a mirror up to them in the moments that they give up and throw in the towel.

So – the most powerful question might just be, how do we overcome self sabotage?

It’s important to understand that we have belief systems about ourselves. Before we even begin a new program we already believe that we will or won’t achieve the goal we have set for ourselves. If we generally are living with a lot of doubt, frustration, self loathing we will self sabotage by doing things like procrastinating.

We will get in our own way because at our core, we believe we are only capable of a certain amount or achieving certain things. Setting a bigger, brighter goal for yourself won’t override the patterns of behaviour that have been embedded in you for decades.

Remember – setting a goal and achieving a goal will require us to evolve and expand and be uncomfortable.

Most people are very uncomfortable with being uncomfortable. When discomfort shows up, rather than understanding that it’s part of the journey – they respond to the discomfort by thinking :
I’m not worthy
I’m not capable
I’m not smart enough
I’m not fit enough
I’m not made for this
I’m not ..

Here’s the power of the running program – it’s less about running and more about being given three opportunities a week, for ten weeks to take control of your emotional management.

Self sabotage usually occurs because we want to escape the way we aware feeling. We will only start to make progress when we give ourselves full permission to be aware of the way we are feeling and rather than reacting, deconstruct it and decide to do something different.

In the moment that you feel yourself wanting to just give in and give up – is the very moment you can have a break through.

-Become aware of what you are feeling
-Process that emotion

The greatest thing I can teach, and the only thing I hope to truly show you is that we don’t have to avoid uncomfortable emotions. We can experience uncomfortable emotions and it doesn’t mean something is wrong.

It means we are human and growing and evolving. We should not be caught in the trap of thinking life should be easy and that we should never be uncomfortable.

I’m not talking about when you genuinely need rest.

I’m talking about being able to sit with uncomfortable, unpleasant emotions without the pity party that tells you I need pleasure and comfort right now.

To fast track progress and guarantee results – You need to choose to experience all
of your emotions. All. Of. Them.

Years ago, I forced myself to stay in an environment and situation that was very unhealthy. Each time I imagined leaving, I was filled with sadness, fear and anxiety. I thought this meant that I shouldn’t leave. I believed that when the time was right for me to leave, I would simply feel ready. I’d feel brave and strong.

Because of this I stayed for far too long.

My personal power was born in the reflective moment I realised I could feel negative emotion, and not feel negatively about it. That it was part of life. That it was not something I would be able to avoid – and it was something I needed to learn to accept.

In doing that, in leaning into that, negative emotions aren’t negative to me anymore.

What does that mean? Well whenever I feel negative emotions, I don’t panic. I don’t wonder what’s wrong. I don’t try and escape the moment I am in to free myself of that emotion. I think if we are honest, 50% of life is uncomfortable and unpleasant. Right? None of us actually believe that every moment of every day should and could be easy and effortless and without challenges.

Discomfort is part of my life.

I set goals that are big enough for my potential and in doing that, I invite the discomfort of growth into my life.

For many people, when it comes time to go on a run – they self sabotage through allowing themselves to procrastinate.

Here’s a golden nugget for you to consider and carry with you through the rest of this program: Procrastinating does prevent discomfort- it just prolongs it.

Even if you procrastinate – youll still have the goal. You will then have to find a way to move forward with the goal and now you have the discomfort of self sabotage too.

We have to work to eliminate self sabotage to increase the speed at which we reach our goals.

This brings me back to why I am so passionate about sharing this running program.

If you can work to break your habit of self sabotage – just imagine what goals you could set for yourself moving forward? Imagine how exciting life becomes when you know you won’t hold yourself back!

How would your life change if you gave up
-Procrastination
-Not showing up
-And quitting

So, moving forward, let’s take the focus off the pace of our run and lean into building our capacity to embrace discomfort. When we can learn to embrace discomfort in the moment, we actually release ourselves from prolonged discomfort.

When we don’t show up to something – we will have to show up to it eventually.

Right?

Think of people who don’t go to the gym at all. They are escaping the discomfort of having to be uncomfortable in the moment, but eventually they will not be able to escape the discomfort of being in a body that isn’t strong, happy and healthy.

What do you believe right now that is causing you self sabotage?
What’s the emotion you are avoiding?
What’s the thought you have about yourself that interferes with you reaching your own goals??

Stop telling yourself you don’t know why you self sabotage.
There is no judgement from me because it usually makes sense.

Just keep moving forward and learn from each thing you do. Decide to not give in to the thoughts that tell you I can’t, this won’t work for me, I’m different from everyone else.

Give yourself permission to be your own best friend. HELP YOURSELF rather than letting yourself off the hook.
In the moments you feel intense resistance or hesitation stop and ask yourself:
What do you need ?
How can I help you ?

In my past, I had so much self loathing that I created so much self sabotage just to demonstrate how unworthy I thought I was. Let me tell you, when I decided to love myself, I completely divorced myself from self sabotage and my god I’ve powered up a hill in the opposite direction. Without self sabotage, I am able to visualise a future that excites me and make it all happen. It’s not been easy, what I have created for myself in my life in the last 5 years, and how everything I have wanted has manifested still blows my mind.

There is literally no stopping me.

I want you to have that same confidence. I want you to be so excited about your own life that you can barely keep still and you just have to run to burn up some of your own energy!!

Keep showing up. Keep sharing. Keep allowing yourself to be honest. Keep receiving the support that is here for you.